Dear Lova,
I recently read a philosophy book that spoke to me about life, love, and happiness.
It told me that uncertain times, when we don’t know what we want and our desires remain hidden, bring the most enriching experiences from the world around us.
When we first met, I was young and confident. I was certain about what I wanted, how I wanted it, and when. My convictions were strong, and I lived in my own world, believing I had everything figured out.
You weren’t part of that world. Not because I didn’t like you, but because your essence eluded my comprehension.
I barely spoke your main language. Your bicultural identity was a mystery to me. And Academia, what the hell was that?
I didn’t know you, so I couldn’t desire you.
But you knocked on my door one Sunday afternoon when things were slow and there were no expectations. I was playful, perhaps bored, so I welcomed randomness into the day.
I opened the door.
When I saw you, I didn’t look at you through the lens of my preferences, my wants, or my dreams and hopes for the future.
I simply saw you. I met you.
I did what Charles Pépin writes in his Philosophy of Encounter: I opened myself up to the unknown; I made myself available to whatever was coming my way without judgment or anticipation.
And, Lova, love, the Lova of my life, it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
I was entirely wrong about what I believed would make me happy. I mistakenly constructed this notion based solely on my past encounters and a limited perspective of the world, failing to consider future encounters and the world’s endless possibilities.
It wasn’t until I let you into my life, allowing you to alter it, disrupt my world, and challenge my beliefs, that I discovered the most beautiful and purest notion of happiness.
Similarly, I was wrong about what I believed freedom meant. For the longest time, I subscribed to the belief that solitude was the key to freedom. I believed that to be truly free, I had to navigate life alone.
But your unwavering support in all my endeavors allowed me to be exposed to a higher facet of freedom that can only be found in the presence of another.
And perhaps most significantly, I was wrong about the kind of love that I believed I needed. Like many, I craved true, kind, reliable, and perhaps even adventurous love.
But you gave me more.
You introduced me to the greatest love of all — you loved me so deeply, so beautifully, so daringly in all my entirety, that I learned to love myself too.
My dearest Lova, our relationship is the greatest adventure of my life and the most transformative experience I’ve ever been a part of.
I love seeing myself through your eyes and loving myself through your heart.
From a Hegelian perspective, I’ve come to understand myself through you, because of you, and in our connection.
You discovered me, and I am endlessly thankful to you!
I love you, of course! Loving you with all my heart is the least I can do!
— Jeni
P.S. Happy anniversary!
P.S. Thank you for bringing the same passion and curiosity to our relationship as you do to your scientific pursuits!
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